Its a book on dealing with all the excess stuff in the home. In modern society, this is a common enough situation, and when one is a crafter and artist on top of it… well things get out of hand. Then, if your life is messed up too, it all becomes overwhelming. I was at the overwhelmed stage when I left you last. For a month and a half I literally did nothing, barely ate, and could not sleep. Did I need another book? No, not really. Is the new book helping? Yes, it is. It also takes up no physical room, being it is on my Kindle. On another note, my Kindle has developed a crack in its casing, despite having two protective sleeves. This upsets me. I love my Kindle. Its my second one, the first I gave to my sister but I don’t think she ever used it. Wasn’t trendy enough. Most people want Ipads, so they can flash them around with je ne sais quoi“mug me” flare. I’ve seen people play with them in a way that makes me think of a combination of adult busy beads and obsessive channel flipping. I’ll stick with my Kindle, though I may need to buy a new one at some point. Once they start cracking, its only a matter of time before they fall apart. Which is a fairly good metaphor for many things in life, including people.
I don’t know if this feeling of being buried is to blame for the mess I’m in, but it certainly doesn’t help. It also stands to reason, if I eliminate the physical clutter that has accumulated in this home, I’ll have more energy to tackle the mental clutter that plagues me. Lately, I’ve been throwing things away rather than worrying about donating… this is part of how I behave when I am overwhelmed, everything needs to be simplified and it doesn’t get much more simple than tossing something into the garbage. Clothing-wise, I have a pile of active wear left with no place to live. It would have had a drawer, but I chose to split up my undergarments into two drawers so they would be more accessible. I’m attempting the method of having all weights of clothing out, rather than packing up off season wear. Its simpler, and I can see everything I own at a glance, but it does make space a premium. I do have one drawer I could use, its broken and I keep it on the bottom of the bureau. Right now its filled with… stuff. Not quite sure what all is in there, which means I can likely throw it all away without regret. I will, however, look at it before I toss it all. I do find it amusing that the clothes I have left to put away is all active wear which got absolutely no use in the past two months.
I’ve started sorting through the extra blankets and comforters stashed throughout the house, we really don’t need so many and most haven’t been used in years. I found one that I was thinking of keeping, but once I ran it through the wash I found it had disintegrated. I wonder what it was made from because it couldn’t have been cotton or wool. Even polyester holds up over time, so whatever it was made up of… its in the garbage now. The area I am working myself up to tackling next is the computer room, which doubles as a craft room. The idea is, you guessed it, overwhelming. I know I will feel better once it is complete, this room is the reason I bought the book in the first place. There is no other place in this house better representing my personal Gordian knot than this one. The room is a time capsule and it is way past time to crack it open, free the stuff and myself as well. As for why I haven’t jumped right in, well, the small victories are helping to build me up. I feel better after clearing out a guest room closet filled with decaying blankets, I feel more like me. It’s as if the process of going through these things are bringing me closer to myself, a strange idea for those of you who have never felt like they were living for someone else. Sad to say, my life has never felt as though I had any personal meaning or value, and yet, it must be there. It has to be. So I am cleaning this house up, and I am looking for parts of me in the process. Metaphorically, I might be in a drawer, under a stack of books, or hidden in a cardboard box, I won’t know until I look.