I haven’t worked on the blanket much, but decided to pick it up again today. Its not a difficult project, just time consuming.
After much hemming and hawing, I put eyes on the doll head. Afterwards, I started referring to him as “Horatio”. I no longer want to finish the doll according to the pattern, first off I want to give him Yoda ears. I’m also going to change the proportions and shape of the torso. For a while I even considered simply leaving him as a disembodied head, and at the rate I’m going, he may be body-less for a while longer.
I also have an unfinished doll outfit that has been sitting in front of me for so long, it might as well be invisible. Funny how that works.
I have admired Lydia Tresselt’s stuffed dolls for a while now and after this past new year’s day I decided to take the plunge and order one of her patterns. I chose Loni the Lion, though mine looks more like a cabbage patch kid than a lion so far. Hopefully once I attach the ears, he’ll look more the way he’s supposed to. I’m sure the finished doll will look cute at any rate, so I’m not worried. I have no idea what I will do with it once it’s complete, but maybe something will come up.
Once I finish Loni, I plan to start the Happypotomus from Heidi Bears. I’ll be using much finer yarn for that than I am for Loni, so I imagine it will take longer to finish, especially with all the colour changes.
I learned to crochet snowflakes using cotton thread this past year. After losing my mother, I needed something to do to distract myself. It had to be engrossing enough to take up my full attention, but not so difficult that my numbed mind couldn’t process what to do.
I made more than 4, but these were all I took photos of. I still have a giant spindle of cotton thread, there will be more snowflakes, many many more. I figure I will make up a bunch before worrying about stiffening/blocking any of them.
This is the circular scarf I was experimenting with, I’m not entirely happy with it but a finished project is a finished project.
I had some idea that this end of life business was going to be difficult, but somehow the enormity of it only settled in recently. It’s one thing when you are caring for someone who is genuinely a nice person, but a whole nother thing when caring for someone who is not. Her short term memory is failing rather spectacularly, which only makes her more aggressive. Yesterday, Dad took her for a drive because she wanted to get out of the house. They took the dog along. When they returned, Mom was obviously exhausted, so we tried to get her comfortable as quickly as possible. 15 minutes later, she had completely forgotten they had gone out, and was shouting at Dad “let’s go! I’m tired of waiting!” The situation quickly escalated, my arm is all bruised up from her hitting me; I was trying to get her to stay in the wheelchair, because she was very unsteady on her feet and kept going too close to the basement stairwell. Funny, I can take the physical abuse better than the emotional pain. This morning, she put her diaper on wrong and was leaving a trail of feces wherever she went. That was fun to clean up, as was the subsequent pounce and wrestle required to get a clean diaper on her (properly).
I managed to put some time into the new painting, which makes me feel a little better. It’s storming fiercely, wind, rain, and hail. It’s impossible to hear anything over the noise. It would be a good time to read, except my father keeps interrupting me every 5 minutes… oh, he wanted me to hear how loud the hail was. Yeah Dad, I hear it. I haven’t had much time for knitting or crochet lately, though I do play video games when I get some time to myself. Immersing myself into an imaginary world occasionally, helps me from completely losing my grip in the real world. EA gave away the Sims 2 Ultimate Collection for free through Origin, so I’m downloading that. I think I will make a happy, little, Sim family, though I’ll need to look up the cheat codes. It’s been so long since I played, I have forgotten them all. I’m still playing the MMO, hit the 4500 achievement mark yesterday, I’m aiming for the 5K one. There’s good loot for that rank, gold, gems, and stuffy-stuff (laughs). The new content has been enjoyable, I’ve been making sure I log in for each release to get it unlocked for free, rather than have to pay for it later.
Hopefully, I will finish up the circular scarf and long socks over the next week or two. I’ll post about them when I do.
There’s been good days and bad days. Mom’s had 2 bad falls and several minor ones since I last posted. Her mood goes from hateful to sweet, with no apparent trigger, and her body is getting weaker by the day. She’s confused and she hardly eats anything. The good days are when she eats and allows us to help her with her needs. About 1 in 4 days are what I would call good. On bad days, I keep my distance rather than endure the torrent of verbal abuse.
I started to reread the Prelude by Wordsworth, it’s a book I had to read for an honors course I took at college. It’s already inspired a new painting, all I lack is a bit of peace to get started. My back is acting up on me again, I strained it trying to lift mom, and as a result I spend much of my time sleeping when I can. I felt much better when I did my yoga routine the other day, so I may try to start that up again. It’s hard, seems like my days consist of pain, tears, and sleep, there’s not much left for anything else. I do want to work on that painting though.
I had a dream the other night that I had found a job that consisted of finishing dollhouses. There was a partially built one on my desk, and another on a shelf, my boss was a stranger I recognized who works in broadcasting. He kept having me do other things like paperwork and answering phones. The office was shabby and dated in appearance. I interpreted the dream as a message from Spirit (broadcasting) that my “job” right now should be about building relationships, particularly ones that were started but not “finished”. I assume since there were 2 houses in the dream, there are 2 relationships that need work. Unfortunately, there were no other clues as to which relationships I should direct my attention towards. The one on the desk could point to the relationship/s currently on my mind, while the one on the shelf could be indicative of the ones I have “shelved”. All in all, it may be that I simply need to be at peace within my self in regards to these relationships that did not work out. Dollhouses are often seen as representing idealism, and perhaps the dream means I have to accept the endings for what they are and quit hoping for a happy ending. Now that I think about it, I owe someone an email… she’s in the dollhouse and miniatures business and wrote to me to see how I was.