There’s been good days and bad days. Mom’s had 2 bad falls and several minor ones since I last posted. Her mood goes from hateful to sweet, with no apparent trigger, and her body is getting weaker by the day. She’s confused and she hardly eats anything. The good days are when she eats and allows us to help her with her needs. About 1 in 4 days are what I would call good. On bad days, I keep my distance rather than endure the torrent of verbal abuse.
I started to reread the Prelude by Wordsworth, it’s a book I had to read for an honors course I took at college. It’s already inspired a new painting, all I lack is a bit of peace to get started. My back is acting up on me again, I strained it trying to lift mom, and as a result I spend much of my time sleeping when I can. I felt much better when I did my yoga routine the other day, so I may try to start that up again. It’s hard, seems like my days consist of pain, tears, and sleep, there’s not much left for anything else. I do want to work on that painting though.
I had a dream the other night that I had found a job that consisted of finishing dollhouses. There was a partially built one on my desk, and another on a shelf, my boss was a stranger I recognized who works in broadcasting. He kept having me do other things like paperwork and answering phones. The office was shabby and dated in appearance. I interpreted the dream as a message from Spirit (broadcasting) that my “job” right now should be about building relationships, particularly ones that were started but not “finished”. I assume since there were 2 houses in the dream, there are 2 relationships that need work. Unfortunately, there were no other clues as to which relationships I should direct my attention towards. The one on the desk could point to the relationship/s currently on my mind, while the one on the shelf could be indicative of the ones I have “shelved”. All in all, it may be that I simply need to be at peace within my self in regards to these relationships that did not work out. Dollhouses are often seen as representing idealism, and perhaps the dream means I have to accept the endings for what they are and quit hoping for a happy ending. Now that I think about it, I owe someone an email… she’s in the dollhouse and miniatures business and wrote to me to see how I was.