Another post within the same month, that’s just crazy. Computer problems continue, but aside from throwing more money at the darn thing, I don’t know how to fix it. Essentially, the motherboard is beeping, with no discernible pattern. The motherboard is a Supermicro C2SBX+ if you’re curious. It does it when I play Guild Wars 2, and if I don’t log out when the beeping starts, the game crashes. I read some posts which suggested it might be related to the sound card or audio drivers, but after downloading updated drivers, the mb now starts beeping if I have multiple tabs open in my browser. Sheeet, I don’t know if I even have a sound card beyond the integrated one. Sound was never a big deal for me, I prefer silence or natural noises like birds or wind. I turn the speakers on when I’m playing a game or watching a movie, but otherwise couldn’t be bothered. I haven’t a clue how to troubleshoot sound card issues, if it is even the problem. It could be memory, I’m running on 4GB of RAM, which isn’t much by today’s standards. Could be overheating, could be the motherboard is about to take a digger, could be alot of things.
So while I wait for pixies or the cobbler’s elves to magically *fix* things for me (yeah I know, ain’t gonna happen), I have been reading the business books I mentioned before. I can only read those for so long, I start feeling overwhelmed and hopeless. Stepping away lets me put the information in perspective, the authors are not artists themselves. The info isn’t arranged in an easy to follow fashion, or even in order of implementation. It’s like reading a recipe that leaves out certain steps, or following directions to someone’s house and the directions tell you to get to C from B, but never tell you how to get to B. Eventually, I will have to make a flow chart of all the information I have acquired so far, in the order necessary for implementation. Most of the books assume you’re already fabulously well connected, with buyers left, right, and center… wouldn’t need the book if that’s the case.
I’ve also been sick, it feels like the flu with body aches and fever, and I feel like I swallowed shards of glass… my insides hurt. I’m not sleeping well either. Feeling a little better today, though I am still running a temperature and experiencing sharp pains.
Today I decided to do some rearranging and organizing, partly due to the prompts from UfYH. One of them was cleaning up the “Invisible Corner”, which in my case IS an invisible corner behind my bed. The stuff there is organized and neat, but it is still a pile of stuff that doesn’t belong there. There’s paints, canvas, brushes, an easel umbrella I have never used (great idea in theory, but there’s a little thing called WIND which makes it impractical), a basket of unfinished fiber projects, fabric, a few electronics, and a box of costume jewelry. It’s a very small corner and not the easiest to get in and out of. Since my easel is now in the computer room, it makes sense to move the paints, canvas, and brushes there too. Liz the Cat has already knocked down the easel once, and last night tried to sit on the canvas I had out. Every cat I have had has been fascinated with my easel, it’s very distressing. They try sitting in the paint tray, then when they get bored with that, see if they can walk around to the business side of the easel… chaos ensues. It’s a collapsible easel… boy is it ever. The fabric should go into the closet with the rest of my stash, something I will have to sort through eventually, but not today. Not sure I have enough room in the closet, guess it will be one of those “make it fit” situations. I’ll then earmark an hour to go through the basket of projects and reclaim the yarn.
I’m one of those people who like to sort through my emotional issues while I clean, it helps to do something practical while wrestling with something completely impractical. I have since come to the conclusion that many people are simply fish heads and I shouldn’t allow myself to be bothered by their hurtful words and behavior. They are stupid and I am not, if they want to act and be all evil, they’ll do it alone. The main situation was instigated by someone I now believe is bipolar (being the most logical explanation), but overall they’re a big hive mind of nastiness and I want nothing to do with any of them. Fish heads stink, and so do these people. Fish hats however, are darn cute and the two should not be confused. I wonder if it’s worth getting into details about what hurt, if it would help me to let it go, but I don’t think it would. I was lied to, used, unjustly attacked, made into a target of other people’s insecurities, all while I was grieving over my job loss, my sister, my cat, my cousin’s suicide, struggling with new dietary challenges, and trying to process the decline in the health of my parents. Who does that to someone? Selfish, evil people do that, that’s who. I don’t care how pretty they try to look and sound, or how many smilies and “lol”s they use. Perhaps they are more selfish than evil at heart, but that doesn’t excuse the harm they caused. The last straw was someone telling me that they’re my friend, when they had absolutely no intention of actually being my friend, it was another lie in a long series of lies. This came on the heels of another so-called friend who was, for all intents and purposes, a life sucker. I literally felt suffocated when they were around, as if they sucked up every bit of oxygen they could, and were siphoning my soul out through a straw. It was unpleasant, and I felt guilty because they seemed really nice otherwise. I felt so much better when they weren’t around though, and I needed to be honest with myself. And, that isn’t even the half of everything I’ve had thrown at me. I must be putting off distressed vibes, because my border collie just came in to check on me. She usually sticks by my mother, but will periodically check on me “Everything okay in here? Good, now pet me.” She’s one of the best dogs we’ve ever had, especially in contrast to my mother’s crazy-ass corgi. Mean, crazy, corgi, apparently it’s uncommon for them to be that way. It was sad, but also a relief, when the corgi passed on. It was hard living with her, but she had a good life and lived to be 10 years old, which was average for the breed.
It’s time for me to finish cleaning up the corner of doom. Wish me luck.