With Spring finally here, flirting with us between the clouds and the occasional rain shower, I have been feeling like writing again. I saw the above quote a few weeks ago. It was something I needed to hear, just when I needed to hear it most. A big thank you to the person who posted it.
I’m still broken-hearted over several things,
and I spend way too much time reading the posts under the Love tab in my reader;
however I have been making things too, so it hasn’t all been time wasted.
Aside from making plans, I finished a pair of socks. I finally realized that my feet aren’t as large as I think they are, so I cast on for two more pair in a smaller size. I am getting more confident with my sock making, though I am still making plain socks rather than those with lace, cables, or twists. My left foot has been giving me pain for several months now, but I don’t know why. With my luck, it will probably fall off when I’m least expecting it, “Dang.” On the bright side, sock making will go quicker with only one sock to make. I started crocheting a pullover, but I will be frogging it soon. I don’t have enough yarn to finish the design I have in mind. It was a fun attempt at any rate. I almost finished making a cushion cover, but the cat found the pieces first, and now has two new cat blankets. Funny how that works. She has her eyes on the afore mentioned pullover as well.
I have been studying up on the business of art, and in so doing, discovered that my feelings of being lost and overwhelmed are not as uncommon as I have been lead to believe. Making a living as an artist requires one to wear many different hats, creating is a full time job in itself, but we also need to be business managers, marketers, and accountants. Fortunate are the artists who have business partners, it must be nice to have someone at your back (without a knife in one hand). At the moment, I am focusing my studies on art writing, which ironically means I am not currently making the art I am learning to write about. It will all come together, it has to.
I’m struggling with computer problems, and I have a GPU on order which will hopefully fix things. It needs more than a GPU, however it would be cheaper to buy a new computer, than to upgrade this one. I may have to replace the monitor, it needs more RAM, the operating system needs to be upgraded, the list seems endless and endlessly expensive. I do have a spare monitor, but it is smaller, 15″ compared to the 22″ I am using now. It will take some getting used to.
I finally came up with a logo design, after dropping the whole thing and doing everything BUT think of logos. Once I get my artist’s statement the way I want it, along with decent photos of my work, I plan to start a new blog. I never did make the portfolio site I wanted, mostly because of the expense. The business books I have been reading have been stressing that I need something though, even if it is only a blog. It will need to be focused on my art, which this one is not.
My dreams have been infrequent. One night I dreamt of an old love, he was smiling at me; it has been an eternity since I last dreamed of him. Another night I dreamt I found a huge stash of wallets, it was a happy dream. Most recently, I dreamed of admiring a woman, wishing I were as beautiful… but she was plastic like a doll, and her flaws were covered up with heavy make up. When I woke, I realized I shouldn’t compare myself to these mannequins I see on the web and in print. I don’t need surgery and make up to be attractive, no one does. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fake. I could do with a hair cut though.
Those are my thoughts lately, as well as my goings-on. I still struggle with intense self doubt and depression, which is why everything takes me ten times longer to accomplish. Hopefully I am almost through with my cave time, did I mention my sunflowers from last year, reseeded? I didn’t expect them to, but they did. It was a good reminder that good things can happen at anytime.